So, I had the fun privilege of attending my first and only Colorado Rockies baseball game of the season on Sunday. Now most baseball fans would tell you that opening day at the ball park is the most magical time of baseball, and to a large degree, I would agree with them. However, Coors Field in the early Fall holds something magical as well, The last home game of the baseball campaign has something in the air.
First and perhaps most importantly, you have a great chance of watching teams laying it out on the line as the last few games you play could mean you go to the playoffs, or you go home. I think that's one of the reasons why I have a hard time watching baseball in the middle of summer. The outcome of the game doesn't hold as much importance as it does in the fall.
Second, You feel that crispness of fall that enhances the ambiance and smells of baseball. I love a ballpark hot dog and beer in summer like a lot of other red, white, and blue blooded Americans do, but there is something about the taste of that hot dog during an early Fall game that just gives it a distinctive and memorable taste. As far as the ambiance goes, that has greatly changed...for the worse as I found out with my experience on Sunday.
I witnessed some members of the human race at the ballpark that were missing something to add to the ambiance in a positive manner. A brain cell, a chromosome, perhaps both, but during my observations, I started compiling a mental list of the people I'm sure all of us have witnessed at the park, stadium, or rink that make us roll our eyes, elbow the person seated directly to the left or right of us, point and snicker. Here now is the list of annoying 'sports fans' I witnessed at Coors Field yesterday that I feel need to be called out, (and in no particular order).
The over-exuberant fan: There were different variations of this kind person I witnessed yesterday, but I will narrow this down to two that were in dominant attendance.
The face painter: I'm all for showing support for your team. Hell, I'm not opposed to having your team's logo airbrushed or temporarilly tattooed on your cheek if you feel the need to, but the key to that is in one word; subtlety. I'll go as far as to support a little boy or girl between the ages of 6-11 painting up there face to show their solidarity for their favorite team. However, when I see a grown man in his late 20's or early 30's sporting a full faced makeup job, and has so much of it on that it would bankrupt Revlon and make Tammy Faye Bakker look Au natural' that's where I have to yell along with the home plate umpire and cry 'Foul!'
I don't know how your face plans to help out the team there Braveheart, but I can assure you that I have yet to hear a player or coach during a post-game conference utter any words of praise to the effect of 'Our team was struggling and it was looking pretty bleak, but when we looked up into the stands and saw Ron with our team colors painted all over his face and yelling like his ass was on fire, it gave us the motivation to pull out a victory.' So unless you are a member of KISS (and even these days, that's becoming a bit questionable) lay off the Sears latex weather beater and leave that experience for your kids to relish in.
The other was the 'Hey! Let's start the wave' fan. This is usually initiated by a crowd of heavily inebriated guys numbering anywhere from 3-24 in size, standing at the bottom of the section wearing crazy hats and shirtless with a beer in one hand and keeping the other hand free to conduct the remaining people in his designated section as to when they should stand temporarily, wave their arms in the air and yelling 'WOO!'
At first, it's only a few rows in the originator's section that follow his direction, then others in the section follow suit after about 16-24 attempts. All the while, those of us in the neighboring sections have to be subjected to the annoying repetition of the drunk screaming of 'ONE-TWO-THREE-WOO!' until we are forced to stand and take part forcing the other sections to do the same. At least that's what we end up hoping will happen because until the entire stadium has completed one full lap, these morons will not quit trying to keep it going. It's a vicious circle we are involved with, and it makes me wonder if it was the technique Hitler used to win over Germany.
Once again, I get the intention of team spirit, but the wave obtained it's heyday in the mid 1980's and quickly died for a reason folks. Haven't we found another movement to involve crowd noise, spirit and participation by now?
The Shirtless Guy who should be wearing a shirt fan: We've all seen this one haven't we? Let me set the scene for you; It was in the low 80's, not a cloud in the sky, and the bleacher seats in which we were seated in were getting quite warm. In the middle of the sixth inning, my girlfriend, parents and myself decided to escape to the main level of the stadium to catch some shade. During this time, the idea was brought up to take a walk around the stadium and take in some more of the sights and sounds of the park in which we all decided would be beneficial.
As we were walking between right field and first base, he arose from the shadows of the micro brew bar to our left. Shirtless guy in all his ill proportioned glory. Sad thing was he was the stereotypical shirtless guy. The John Travolta Saturday Night Fever Era hair held firmly in place sporting the Arnold Schwarzenegger Terminator glasses. Khaki shorts, flip flops and the middle aged Lou Ferigno body glistening with sweat for all eyes to view. I know I wasn't the only one within the vicinity who had to choke back vomiting at that moment. The thing I found tragically comical about him was that he actually thought he looked great. Even with his protruding gut supporting his 42 C size moobs.
Look shirtless guy, I really do applaud you and the hard work you have put into the gym for the past month to build up your arms and shoulders, but if you're going to neglect the abs and chest firming work, do all of humanity a favor and wear a wife beater to cover the unmolded clay would you? I can guarantee you in a bet for a large sum of cash that I will never see in my lifetime that there isn't a female in this entire stadium that finds you remotely desirable.
Which ironically enough brings me to the last of the sports fans who is very comparable yet the antitheses of shirtless guy.
The dolled up college sorority girl: There were a lot of annoying parts to this one that I could have divided up into another group of sport fan, but due to lack of time, I thought since it involved the same person, it could be combined.
It just so happened that a University of Northern Colorado Sorority was sitting in our section. Now, you are probably wondering why I would complain about this? You're about to find out. Granted, some of these young women were quite beautiful, and I hope for their sake their looks can get them far in their lives and very soon. It was a number of nuances that quickly wanted me to take this person and the numerous clones like her and duct tape them to the bleacher play 'Wipe Out' on their face with a pair of ball ping hammers.
The first batch got themselves seated. Then they felt the need to break out the digital cameras and take pictures of one another. Once again, I don't frown upon this. Getting pictures of yourself and family at a beautiful ball park like Coors Field is worthy of a Kodak moment. However I, along with a few hundred other fans in the surrounding seats, would greatly appreciate it if you would not ask your 3 rows of sorority sisters to stand up while the game is going on to take pictures of you looking 'hot' or 'cute'. Apparently you can't grasp the concept of waiting between innings to accomplish this impromptu Glamour cover shoot can you?!
To further prove that UNC is a veritable think tank of intelligence, the second coming of sorority row couldn't figure out what seats they were in, even though the seats were numbered and they were holding their ticket stubs. I actually heard one of them say, 'Is this our row?' Her sister said 'I'm not sure' in which the alpha ho responded with 'Well how do we know if we're in the right row and which seat is ours?' It was at that point when I would have given my right testicle for two Advil
But, it got better! We had the distinct pleasure of having Bleacher Bimbo Barbie and her sorority clone sitting in front of us. They were so engrossed in the baseball game that one felt the need to text while the other broke out her iPod from her purse and plugged the ear buds in her ears (Mental note for the next time I go to a game), in which they then decided to gripe and complain on how hot they were. (Not physically but in relation to temperature from the heat)
Which leads me to the initial point. Is it really necessary to go to a baseball game dressed in a low cut tight fitting black top with a black mini skirt with black heels and metal studs and caking on enough make up on your face to make face painter guy jealous because that is what these girls were wearing.
Ladies, I understand that if you are single, on a date, or out with the boyfriend/hubby that you want to look nice, but do you really have to wear the stripper heels with a skirt that requires you to shave, and I don't mean your legs to a ball game? You are one person in a sea of humanity of over fifty thousand! I seriously doubt that the center fielder is going to spot you and ask a member of the event staff for your phone number to call you for a date.
You are also in an outdoor environment during an afternoon baseball game. My eleven year old nephew could figure out why you feel so hot, but in the event the chemistry department at UNC hasn't gotten to this part in the curriculum, allow me to give you a tip. Dark colors absorb heat, and with black being the darkest of the colors, that would mean you would be absorbing a lot of the heat that mother nature has provided. . To be quite honest, I'm amazed that sweat was able to break through from your glands considering how much of that cake batter you have on your face. So the next time you wonder why a group of guys keep looking at your chest or why you can't understand why you have trouble walking up and down the stairs, do us all a favor and take a look in the mirror and pick out a different wardrobe ensemble.
I was always somewhat reluctant to go and watch a professional sporting event strictly because of the amount of money the greedy owners charge for a ticket, parking, and concessions these days. Now, after experiencing what kind of sports fans are attending these games, I'm even more content to wear my jersey and ball cap, sitting in on my comfortable couch, eating my snacks and store bought pizza that cost me the same price as a hot dog and fill me up for most of the day and drink a 6 pack which was the same price as one beer at that stadium. Besides, I get to see more of the action on my 42" TV, and be shirtless guy without making others physically ill.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Health Care
It seems to be the hot button issue of the moment. You turn on your TV news, it's there, talk radio it's there, Internet front pages it's there; health care reform. No matter how hard you try to forget about just for a brief minute, it's back in the forefront of our collective eye and thoughts, and it's driven a wider and deeper wedge of hostile division in this nation.
Now, I don't claim to possess all of the answers to solve this quandary, hell, it took me nearly 3 hours to decide what I wanted for dinner tonight. However, just like a lot of my fellow red, white and blue brethren, I do have thoughts on this issue. I know my thoughts may not be agreed with or possibly welcomed by some, but it is still one of my rights as an American citizen to express it freely. (At least I think it is anyway. Has Congress repealed that yet?)
As I have witnessed the news footage of citizens taking to the streets with banners in hand, hippie protesting aspirations in their hearts and a twinkle of red right wing or blue left wing affiliations in their eyes, I have to give credit to President Obama in this regard. At least he has awaken the American give them hell spirit. Just a few short months ago, the collective heart of this nation was in need of a transplant. We kept yelling for accountability in Washington, but yet we never witnessed the rising uproar in the communities we do now, and quite frankly, we had a lot more to be pissed off about then than we do currently.
I think that everyone would agree that health care in this nation is piss poor and has been in need of reform for too many years now, but in the true American fashion, this issue has been grossly ignored, has grown out of control and is now an epidemic, in which Washington is now looking for a quick fix to the problem. Well, we have always been known to be a reactive nation and not a proactive nation now haven't we?
Now, I realize that I could receive great backlash or even be threatened by being called a socialist with the statement I'm about to make here, but I agree with Obama in a few areas on this matter. Allow me to explain; first, I applaud him for wanting to hold insurance companies accountable. (I'm not lost on the irony that a politician is asking for someone to be held accountable for their actions. I'm even more amazed that a politician would even know that word 'accountable', but I think the bigger concern is do they know the definition of the word.) Perhaps if we had held Wall Street and the banking industry accountable for their actions a few years ago, we wouldn't have seen the financial disaster we have witnessed in recent months.
Whether this can actually happen or not remains to be seen, but big corporations in this nation have lost all sense and sensibility and if there were ever a bigger example of the term 'morally bankrupt' you need look no further than corporate America and Montana Senator Max Baucas who is one of the biggest insurance industry crack whores in Congress.
The other thing I agree with Obama on is not being denied for previous conditions or being denied treatment for not reporting a minor issue to your insurance company. If there was ever a bigger example of corporate greed and bullshit than that, then I have failed to see it. If I had been denied my prescriptions because of my bout with depression in 1996, I either would have been dead a long time ago, or a few idiotic drivers would have been subjected to my wrath with intense physical beatings. And for what? So an insurance company could make a few extra bucks to report on their monthly record profit sheet.
The area where I do have a problem with this reform is the public government run option. First, this is too socialistic of an ideal for a capitalistic democracy. Second, the government changes everything on a dime and even though it has been said that those who reside in this nation illegally would not be eligible for coverage, it would only be a matter of time before it would happen and that is wrong on so many levels.
If you think that a government run public option is a good idea, let me paint a mental picture for you of what I think a government run health facility would be like.... Have you been to the DMV lately? Take a moment to observe.
Notice all the agitated people sitting in chairs holding there ticket numbers starting at the 'now serving' display sign with restrained agitated rejection? Notice all the customer service windows not being facilitated by DMV employees to serve you in a timely manner? Notice those employees with the severe lack of people skills, horrible 'I don't care' attitudes that tell you that you filled out a small section of your form wrong which means you have to re pick a number ticket and wait another 2 hours after you make that correction to turn it back in, and have to deal with a different employee who has such a cerebral prowess that it makes Heidi Montag look like a merited member of MENSA.
Now take that environment, and place it in a family practice center or a hospital. Do you really want the government health option now? Is it still looking like a viable safe option for your well being?
The message that Washington needs to get through their brainless heads is that costs are far exceeding the rate of earned incomes for families, and where they need to be instrumental in this reform is to keep insurance companies fair, and honest, and to start promoting citizens to adopt a proactive mentality to their personal health.
How do we fund the reform you ask? Well, I have a couple of thoughts. First, if tobacco is being taxed severely anyway, why not start applying higher taxes on fast food? If our leaders really want us to be a healthy nation, then make fast food more expensive by taxing it heavily and make healthier food options in the grocery stores and restaurant establishments that promote healthy eating more affordable. We all know that it's much more affordable to eat like crap than it is to eat healthy, so why then are we punishing citizens by their financial class and stature? Doesn't this basically say, let the impoverished eat like crap to die sooner and let the upper class eat healthy so that they may continue to live? You want to curb bad eating habits and fund the reform, tax fast food and and junk food, and take that tax money to put towards the health insurance reform.
How do we keep costs down? Well, the key to that is staying healthy now isn't it? Let's face it, with more dangerous flu's like H1-N1 out there and common colds, it's a foregone conclusion that you will need to visit your doctor for a flu shot or antibiotic to get rid of the bug, but getting that flu shot is taking a proactive approach to staying healthy now isn't it? So why should someone be punished for staying in good health by having their premiums constantly being escalated? Why won't insurance companies offer discounts like auto insurance premiums do for being a good driver? That's only fair right? Why not be able to write off the annual cost of a gym membership as a taxable credit?
The ideas may be too radical, but they're only thoughts and they're thoughts I have yet to hear from Washington. The most disheartening fact about this whole reform issue is that most of the debate on the whole issue has been deeply rooted in questioning the financial benefits of the reform. I have yet to hear any echoes from Washington about it being a civil issue for any of us, the American people.
Until then, call your Canadian physician and inform the the members of the underground drug railroad that you need to stock up on all your prescriptions as well as some of the happy pills, because the diagnosis is about 6-9 months of sheer bureaucratic bullshit.
Now, I don't claim to possess all of the answers to solve this quandary, hell, it took me nearly 3 hours to decide what I wanted for dinner tonight. However, just like a lot of my fellow red, white and blue brethren, I do have thoughts on this issue. I know my thoughts may not be agreed with or possibly welcomed by some, but it is still one of my rights as an American citizen to express it freely. (At least I think it is anyway. Has Congress repealed that yet?)
As I have witnessed the news footage of citizens taking to the streets with banners in hand, hippie protesting aspirations in their hearts and a twinkle of red right wing or blue left wing affiliations in their eyes, I have to give credit to President Obama in this regard. At least he has awaken the American give them hell spirit. Just a few short months ago, the collective heart of this nation was in need of a transplant. We kept yelling for accountability in Washington, but yet we never witnessed the rising uproar in the communities we do now, and quite frankly, we had a lot more to be pissed off about then than we do currently.
I think that everyone would agree that health care in this nation is piss poor and has been in need of reform for too many years now, but in the true American fashion, this issue has been grossly ignored, has grown out of control and is now an epidemic, in which Washington is now looking for a quick fix to the problem. Well, we have always been known to be a reactive nation and not a proactive nation now haven't we?
Now, I realize that I could receive great backlash or even be threatened by being called a socialist with the statement I'm about to make here, but I agree with Obama in a few areas on this matter. Allow me to explain; first, I applaud him for wanting to hold insurance companies accountable. (I'm not lost on the irony that a politician is asking for someone to be held accountable for their actions. I'm even more amazed that a politician would even know that word 'accountable', but I think the bigger concern is do they know the definition of the word.) Perhaps if we had held Wall Street and the banking industry accountable for their actions a few years ago, we wouldn't have seen the financial disaster we have witnessed in recent months.
Whether this can actually happen or not remains to be seen, but big corporations in this nation have lost all sense and sensibility and if there were ever a bigger example of the term 'morally bankrupt' you need look no further than corporate America and Montana Senator Max Baucas who is one of the biggest insurance industry crack whores in Congress.
The other thing I agree with Obama on is not being denied for previous conditions or being denied treatment for not reporting a minor issue to your insurance company. If there was ever a bigger example of corporate greed and bullshit than that, then I have failed to see it. If I had been denied my prescriptions because of my bout with depression in 1996, I either would have been dead a long time ago, or a few idiotic drivers would have been subjected to my wrath with intense physical beatings. And for what? So an insurance company could make a few extra bucks to report on their monthly record profit sheet.
The area where I do have a problem with this reform is the public government run option. First, this is too socialistic of an ideal for a capitalistic democracy. Second, the government changes everything on a dime and even though it has been said that those who reside in this nation illegally would not be eligible for coverage, it would only be a matter of time before it would happen and that is wrong on so many levels.
If you think that a government run public option is a good idea, let me paint a mental picture for you of what I think a government run health facility would be like.... Have you been to the DMV lately? Take a moment to observe.
Notice all the agitated people sitting in chairs holding there ticket numbers starting at the 'now serving' display sign with restrained agitated rejection? Notice all the customer service windows not being facilitated by DMV employees to serve you in a timely manner? Notice those employees with the severe lack of people skills, horrible 'I don't care' attitudes that tell you that you filled out a small section of your form wrong which means you have to re pick a number ticket and wait another 2 hours after you make that correction to turn it back in, and have to deal with a different employee who has such a cerebral prowess that it makes Heidi Montag look like a merited member of MENSA.
Now take that environment, and place it in a family practice center or a hospital. Do you really want the government health option now? Is it still looking like a viable safe option for your well being?
The message that Washington needs to get through their brainless heads is that costs are far exceeding the rate of earned incomes for families, and where they need to be instrumental in this reform is to keep insurance companies fair, and honest, and to start promoting citizens to adopt a proactive mentality to their personal health.
How do we fund the reform you ask? Well, I have a couple of thoughts. First, if tobacco is being taxed severely anyway, why not start applying higher taxes on fast food? If our leaders really want us to be a healthy nation, then make fast food more expensive by taxing it heavily and make healthier food options in the grocery stores and restaurant establishments that promote healthy eating more affordable. We all know that it's much more affordable to eat like crap than it is to eat healthy, so why then are we punishing citizens by their financial class and stature? Doesn't this basically say, let the impoverished eat like crap to die sooner and let the upper class eat healthy so that they may continue to live? You want to curb bad eating habits and fund the reform, tax fast food and and junk food, and take that tax money to put towards the health insurance reform.
How do we keep costs down? Well, the key to that is staying healthy now isn't it? Let's face it, with more dangerous flu's like H1-N1 out there and common colds, it's a foregone conclusion that you will need to visit your doctor for a flu shot or antibiotic to get rid of the bug, but getting that flu shot is taking a proactive approach to staying healthy now isn't it? So why should someone be punished for staying in good health by having their premiums constantly being escalated? Why won't insurance companies offer discounts like auto insurance premiums do for being a good driver? That's only fair right? Why not be able to write off the annual cost of a gym membership as a taxable credit?
The ideas may be too radical, but they're only thoughts and they're thoughts I have yet to hear from Washington. The most disheartening fact about this whole reform issue is that most of the debate on the whole issue has been deeply rooted in questioning the financial benefits of the reform. I have yet to hear any echoes from Washington about it being a civil issue for any of us, the American people.
Until then, call your Canadian physician and inform the the members of the underground drug railroad that you need to stock up on all your prescriptions as well as some of the happy pills, because the diagnosis is about 6-9 months of sheer bureaucratic bullshit.
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
Monopoly
Over the course of this past holiday weekend, my better half and I decided to not plant ourselves on the couch and to allow our intelligence quotient circle down the drain of life. Instead we decided to throw an assortment of music on the stereo, and enjoy each other's company by taking in a friendly game of Monopoly. Now, when I think of the game of Monopoly, especially within my family history, 'friendly' is not the word that jumps out to first place across the finish line of my memory. In fact it has been known to be the sole reason of all communication breakdown for weeks on end in certain households. (Legend has it that these tales are some of the darkest chapters in the family history).
So I was really beside myself when my lovely girlfriend asked me what game I wanted to play and I foolishly suggested Monopoly. (Have you ever had one of those moments when your mouth acts quicker than your brain and after the last syllable has been uttered from your lips you try like mad to retract what you said, all the while your brain is yelling at you from the top of it's lungs, STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!? Well, September 5th, 2009 at approximately 8:37 PM was one of those moments for yours truly).
Now, it must be mentioned here that I'm a highly competitive person. I say again, highly competitive! I do not say this with pride. Once again, it is part of the family crest. It is clearly stated that 'If thou shall chooses to engage in athletic or a various form of competitive sport or game, the one named Floyd must take all adversity and all deficits in the competition solely to heart and display furious anger at those who he has suffered a defeat from, especially if the match in question has not been completed.' Some crests have symbols displaying pride, strength and honor. While others stem from shame. This would be the symbol of of the latter.
As my dear Jen set up the game, I selected the music to enjoy, along with some beverages and thought to myself that this was a friendly game to entertain ourselves and enjoy some quality time. In no way does this effect the space time continuum in actual real life. It's funny how pride overpowers logical thinking.
As the game progressed, my strategy was actually working. Pick and choose your properties, stay patient, don't over extend your finances and build more each time you pass go. (If only I could adhere to those words in real life). Then it happened. Board game karma, lack of luck or whatever, the dice, along with my hand and wrist conspired against me.
Every roll that I threw for about fifteen minutes straight had the uncanny ability to land my game piece on income tax, luxury tax, or one space past or short of the free parking that contained close to $2000 in lovely Monopoly currency that I so desperately needed. If that weren't enough, my sweet, sweet treasure had built a veritable HOA community on all her properties, and by the fate of the cold cold dice, I apparently felt compelled to visit at least one of each of her covenent communites on each corner of the board.
With each roll, my mood declined. Each space I moved with my copper lantern my blood boiled. Pay $200 in income tax, $75 in luxury tax. '$1200 dollars please!' Really? Who the hell would charge $12oo dollars in rent for a hotel on the fricking purple properties?! They're the equivilent of east Colfax for crying out loud! All the while, I was trying to laugh it off, I couldn't help but wonder who was this blood thirsty greed filled person that was playing alongside of me and what in the hell did she do with my girlfriend? After about 2 hours of this self-depricating humiliation, I surrendered. Not to concede defeat in the game, but to take a step back and realize that I do in fact love this woman and I do not want to have to call my parents at this late hour to ask if I could use a spare bedroom for a couple of days.
As calmer, wiser maturity finally nutured my thoughts in the form of a celexa tablet and a bottle of sunshine wheat, I was able to understand that me and Monopoly get along aboout as well as the Muslims and the nation of Isreal. Now I know why my Father rejects an invite to play Monopoly quicker than a dinner invite to Sarah Palin from David Letterman. Nothing good ever comes out of it.
As I was handing over the last bit of my white one dollar bills, some of them tear stained, I noticed a copyright date on the money. The year was 1935. I couldn't help but think of the suicide rate that this game must have caused while those suffering through the throes of the great depression played it.
When it comes right down to it, Monopoly is a cruel heartless bitch. It keeps taking away from one individual until they are flat broke and rewards another with great wealth, even though the wealth is completely ficticious. Either way you come out a loser, but I think the greater importance that Monopoly held for me on that night was how it eerily paralleled not only my real life, but the lives of many others in our nation right now. A strategy that started out well; planning, not over extending yourself and getting a taste of the fruits of the labor that the strategy provided, then all of sudden in just a few short moments, losing everything they had only to watch it go to someone else only to have to start over in a late point of the game.
Perhaps we should all play Monopoly. We may get a much better understanding of just what Wall Street, Corporate America, and our Government has done to a lot of us these days.
So I was really beside myself when my lovely girlfriend asked me what game I wanted to play and I foolishly suggested Monopoly. (Have you ever had one of those moments when your mouth acts quicker than your brain and after the last syllable has been uttered from your lips you try like mad to retract what you said, all the while your brain is yelling at you from the top of it's lungs, STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!? Well, September 5th, 2009 at approximately 8:37 PM was one of those moments for yours truly).
Now, it must be mentioned here that I'm a highly competitive person. I say again, highly competitive! I do not say this with pride. Once again, it is part of the family crest. It is clearly stated that 'If thou shall chooses to engage in athletic or a various form of competitive sport or game, the one named Floyd must take all adversity and all deficits in the competition solely to heart and display furious anger at those who he has suffered a defeat from, especially if the match in question has not been completed.' Some crests have symbols displaying pride, strength and honor. While others stem from shame. This would be the symbol of of the latter.
As my dear Jen set up the game, I selected the music to enjoy, along with some beverages and thought to myself that this was a friendly game to entertain ourselves and enjoy some quality time. In no way does this effect the space time continuum in actual real life. It's funny how pride overpowers logical thinking.
As the game progressed, my strategy was actually working. Pick and choose your properties, stay patient, don't over extend your finances and build more each time you pass go. (If only I could adhere to those words in real life). Then it happened. Board game karma, lack of luck or whatever, the dice, along with my hand and wrist conspired against me.
Every roll that I threw for about fifteen minutes straight had the uncanny ability to land my game piece on income tax, luxury tax, or one space past or short of the free parking that contained close to $2000 in lovely Monopoly currency that I so desperately needed. If that weren't enough, my sweet, sweet treasure had built a veritable HOA community on all her properties, and by the fate of the cold cold dice, I apparently felt compelled to visit at least one of each of her covenent communites on each corner of the board.
With each roll, my mood declined. Each space I moved with my copper lantern my blood boiled. Pay $200 in income tax, $75 in luxury tax. '$1200 dollars please!' Really? Who the hell would charge $12oo dollars in rent for a hotel on the fricking purple properties?! They're the equivilent of east Colfax for crying out loud! All the while, I was trying to laugh it off, I couldn't help but wonder who was this blood thirsty greed filled person that was playing alongside of me and what in the hell did she do with my girlfriend? After about 2 hours of this self-depricating humiliation, I surrendered. Not to concede defeat in the game, but to take a step back and realize that I do in fact love this woman and I do not want to have to call my parents at this late hour to ask if I could use a spare bedroom for a couple of days.
As calmer, wiser maturity finally nutured my thoughts in the form of a celexa tablet and a bottle of sunshine wheat, I was able to understand that me and Monopoly get along aboout as well as the Muslims and the nation of Isreal. Now I know why my Father rejects an invite to play Monopoly quicker than a dinner invite to Sarah Palin from David Letterman. Nothing good ever comes out of it.
As I was handing over the last bit of my white one dollar bills, some of them tear stained, I noticed a copyright date on the money. The year was 1935. I couldn't help but think of the suicide rate that this game must have caused while those suffering through the throes of the great depression played it.
When it comes right down to it, Monopoly is a cruel heartless bitch. It keeps taking away from one individual until they are flat broke and rewards another with great wealth, even though the wealth is completely ficticious. Either way you come out a loser, but I think the greater importance that Monopoly held for me on that night was how it eerily paralleled not only my real life, but the lives of many others in our nation right now. A strategy that started out well; planning, not over extending yourself and getting a taste of the fruits of the labor that the strategy provided, then all of sudden in just a few short moments, losing everything they had only to watch it go to someone else only to have to start over in a late point of the game.
Perhaps we should all play Monopoly. We may get a much better understanding of just what Wall Street, Corporate America, and our Government has done to a lot of us these days.
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